Þórsdóttir gives a statement: Says her child's father was a stalker

Ásthildur Lóa Þórsdóttir, the outgoing Minister of Education and Children's Affairs, has issued a statement following coverage that she had sex with a 15-year-old boy when she was 22. She had her first child with him.

Ásthildur Lóa resigned as minister yesterday. She says she will not give further interviews regarding the matter.

The statement is four and a half pages long and states that he was sixteen when they first had sex and that she probably became pregnant immediately.

She denies having been a mentor in the Christian ministry where she met the boy. She was simply one of the group.

She also says that she was completely inexperienced in love affairs when she met him and that he was much more experienced.

A relative of her child's father contacted the Prime Minister's Office to inform her about her relationship with the boy, about 36 years ago.

Was in the parliament when she saw the message

The statement states that the Prime Minister's assistant showed Þórsdóttir a text message from a woman she did not recognize on Tuesday, March 11. Þórsdóttir was then about to begin participating in a debate in the parliament. The woman wanted a meeting with Prime Minister Kristrún Frostadóttir about Þórsdóttir.

After obtaining information about the woman, and seeing the connection with her child's father, Þórsdóttir suspected what the woman wanted. She called the woman on Sunday, March 16. She then had more conversations with the woman last week.

In interviews with the media yesterday, Þórsdóttir also reported that she had shown up at her home uninvited when the woman stopped answering her phone calls.

He was much more experienced than her

RÚV reported yesterday that Þórsdóttir had sex with a 15-year-old boy and had a child with him when he was sixteen.

Þórsdóttir says the boy was almost sixteen when they met in the spring of 1989 and that at first they were just friends. As the summer wore on, he showed great interest in a closer relationship. “Judging from his stories, he was much more experienced than I was when it came to sexual matters,” the statement says.

He had had several girlfriends and named two women who were much older than Þórsdóttir with whom he had had a close relationship.

She says she did not pursue further contact and repeatedly tried to break off the relationship with him.

“[B]ut then he got all worked up and there I experienced something that today would be called a stalking scare, but that term didn’t exist at the time. This took various forms, but among other things, he started making a habit of coming up to Mosfellsbær where I lived with my father and sister, and would hang around the house in all kinds of weather and then come to my window when everything had quieted down.”

Let him in one night

Þórsdóttir says she felt bad and had a guilty conscience towards him. She was also worried about him then.

One night in September she let him in and simply couldn’t handle the situation. She says he had turned sixteen.

"Although I had not specifically anticipated it in this situation, 16 was the age of consent at the time, and relationships between people of that age were not at all uncommon, even if they were not desirable. However, the age difference was almost always in the other direction," the statement says.

Lost interest when she became pregnant

However, their relationship did not last long after Þórsdóttir became pregnant, in fact only for a few weeks. The boy's interest waned after he found out she was pregnant. She says he "disappeared into thin air" as the pregnancy progressed.

She says she found out he was moving in with a woman who was older than her.

In June 1990, their son was born. At the time, she was 23 years old and he was sixteen, or "almost 17" as the statement says.

“In the last few months before the birth, I knew little to nothing about my baby’s father and there was no contact. It wasn’t until I was giving birth in the maternity ward that he showed up and I agreed to let him come in and he was present at the birth.”

She says she tried to keep in touch with him after the birth but that it had limited success. She often called and invited him home and took the baby to pick him up.

“It worked a few times but then it became very difficult to reach him and if I did reach him and we decided on a place and time, it didn’t work out and he never let me know. So I would sometimes circle his living room with the baby in the car for maybe an hour, without him showing up.”

Eventually, she stopped bothering to initiate this contact. She continued to demand child support payments.

Received a summons from the Ministry of Justice

When their son was two and a half years old, Þórsdóttir received a summons “without any notice” from the Ministry of Justice. Her child’s father wanted to have contact with the boy every other weekend.

She says she simply did not trust him.

An agreement was made that he would be allowed to see the boy once a month at Þórsdóttir’s father’s house as a trial.

“This went on for two or three times, but after that the child’s father showed no initiative to communicate with the boy. He also never sent the boy birthday or Christmas gifts or showed any initiative to communicate with him.”

The child’s father showed interest in having the boy with him several times later, but Þórsdóttir says he never followed up properly.

“Our son is 35 years old today. He has therefore been of legal age and an adult according to the law for 17 years. They met once by chance, but apart from that, his father has never in all these years made the slightest attempt to meet him or establish a relationship between them. Given my previous experience, I cannot say that this surprises me.”

Þórsdóttir's statement appears here in full:

Following my resignation from the position of Minister of Education and Children’s Affairs, I believe it is important that the following be stated.

Although many people certainly find it difficult to believe it today, I was completely inexperienced in love affairs at the time I met the father of my child, in the spring of 1989, and had never been acquainted with a man. I had been involved in Christian work since the age of 13 and my friends there were of various ages, both people who were younger than me and also older. I met my child's father through this work, but I was never the director of anything or a mentor, but simply one of the group that was there. People older than me were in charge of this work, managing it and leading it.

This spring my child's father is almost sixteen years old, which he has been since August 1989. At first, it was just a question of friendship between us. He tried to talk about everything between heaven and earth with me and I liked him. He was fun and we got along well, without anything else behind it in my mind. As the summer went on, he made no secret of his interest in a closer relationship. Judging by his stories, he was much more experienced than I was when it came to sexual matters, since, as I said before, I had never been associated with a man. He had, if I remember correctly, had had several girlfriends and mentioned at least two women, much older than me, with whom he had had a close relationship.

I didn't make any further contact and tried repeatedly to break off contact with him, but that only made him more aggressive and I experienced something that today would be called stalking, but that term didn't exist at the time. This took various forms, but among other things, he started to make a habit of coming up to Mosfellsbær where I lived with my father and sister and would hang around the house in all kinds of weather and then come to my window when everything had calmed down. My sister found him at least twice in our garage, where he had settled down.

I felt bad about this. I felt guilty towards him and his feelings that he carried so openly and I couldn't repay him even though I loved him. I was also worried about him and his circumstances, which were difficult in many ways, and I wanted to support him and help him in any way I could.

It was one such night at the end of September 1989 that I let him in. He was 16 years old and I simply couldn't handle the situation.

Although I hadn't been particularly anticipating it in this situation, 16 was the age of independence at the time and relationships between people of that age were not at all uncommon, even if they were not desirable. However, the age difference was almost always in the other direction.

I probably got pregnant right away this first time and after that our relationship lasted for a few weeks. Our son was born in June 1990 when I was 23 and my child's father was almost 17.

Soon after my child's father found out that I was pregnant, his interest in me decreased significantly, which confirmed what I had long realized, that there was no future in our relationship.

As the pregnancy progressed, my baby's father disappeared and I couldn't find a way to get hold of him. Somehow I found out that he was being moved in with a woman who was older than me and I managed to get hold of him once when I needed to talk to him.

In the last few months before the birth, I knew little to nothing about my baby's father and there was no contact. It wasn't until I was literally giving birth in the maternity ward that he showed up and I agreed to let him in and he was present at the birth.

After the baby was born, I tried to stay in touch with the father so that he could communicate with his son. It must be remembered that there were no mobile phones, only landlines.

I called him often and invited him home and then took the baby to pick him up. This worked a few times, but then it became very difficult to reach him and if I did reach him and we decided on a place and time, it didn't work out and he never let me know. So I would sometimes circle around his living quarters with the baby in the car for maybe an hour, without him showing up.

The times I contacted his parents about it, they said they didn't know where he was and it was clear that he didn't live with them and his relationship with his parents was difficult.

As a young mother, I thought first and foremost about my son and enjoyed the support of my father and sister. After the difficulty of maintaining contact with the father and generally trying to find out where he was, which was very burdensome, I decided to stop taking the initiative in this communication. The initiative could be his.

As a single mother with very limited financial resources, I first requested child support payments according to the law, which the father of the child conscientiously paid.

When our boy was about two and a half years old, I received a summons from the Ministry of Justice without any notice because the father of the child wanted contact with the boy every other weekend. Given what had happened before, I simply did not trust him to fulfill that responsibility. However, an agreement was made that he would be allowed to meet the boy once a month at my father's home as a trial.

This went on for two or three times, but after that the father of the child showed no initiative in communicating with the boy. He also never sent the boy birthday or Christmas gifts or showed any initiative to communicate with him.

When the boy turned three, the child's father showed up unannounced for his birthday, which I told him was not going to happen. He would have to make an invitation in advance and we would have to find a common time for their meetings. There he was with a gift, the only one he ever gave his son.

When reviewing this story yesterday, my sister and I recalled that at some point, probably when the child was about four years old, my child's father had wanted to have the child with him for a weekend because he had started living with a woman. As before, I said that he had to get to know him first. He thought I was being very unfair but did not follow up on this.

It is worth keeping in mind that during these years I never knew exactly where the child's father lived or what his phone number was. I had no way of contacting him, either after the birthday to invite him to meet the child or when he did not follow through on this second request.

After this, the father showed no interest in communicating with his son, although I believe he came when he was about eight years old, but I do not remember how that came about.

A child is not a package that you hand over to someone even if you participated in the conception if there is no contact. I believe that the father of the child thought about it four or five times that he wanted to meet the boy, and it always seems to have been on his terms and when it suited him. There was never any follow-up on his part or any willingness to make an effort to establish contact with the child. As the child's guardian, I had a duty to take care of it and I have a completely clear conscience towards my son and the father of the child in this regard.

By chance, the child's father ran into his son when he was 19 years old. After that, they met once and never again. The last communication was in 2010 with messages to the child's father on Facebook.

Our son is 35 years old today. He has therefore been of legal age and an adult according to the law for 17 years. They met once by chance, but apart from that, his father has never in all these years made the slightest attempt to meet him or establish a relationship between them. Given my previous experience, I can't say that this surprises me.

When my son was just over a year old, I met my current husband, who became my son's father with all that entails. The communication and relationship between father and son have always been very good, and therefore it was only natural that he would be named after the only father he has ever known.

On Tuesday, March 11, the Prime Minister's assistant showed me a text message as I was about to begin participating in a debate in the Althingi. The message was short and to the effect that a woman who was named and whom I did not recognize at all wanted a meeting with the Prime Minister about me. I hope no one accused me of being curious about who this woman was and what issues that affected me she wanted to discuss.

After searching for myself, I saw that she and the father of my older son's child were friends on Facebook. I therefore began to suspect what issues she wanted to discuss without knowing anything about the relationship between this woman and the father of the child. On Sunday, March 16, I first had telephone contact with the woman and then it turned out that she was the father of the child's former mother-in-law. She accused me of having obstructed his communication with his son, which I completely deny that I did, compared to what I outlined above.

In this conversation and several others that followed this week, she tells me that she has sent a message about these issues to the Prime Minister and since they have not worked as she wanted, she would seek other ways. However, she said that she did not intend to take the matter to the media when I asked about it and insisted that the child's father was not behind this affair.

It was then yesterday morning, Thursday 20 March, that a reporter at RÚV sent a message to my assistant and requested an interview with me about my relationship with the child's father 35-36 years ago. Of course, it was clear then what was going on.

I have always been passionate about children and youth issues and graduated as a teacher in 1994 when my son was four years old. As Minister of Education and Children's Affairs, I had a unique opportunity to do a lot of good in this important area. There were and are plans for a variety of issues to improve the situation of children and young people.

When it became clear that RÚV would report on this matter, my almost forty-year relationship with the father of my child from one side, whether I appeared for an interview or not, I was faced with the fact that my private matters from when I was a young woman would overshadow not only all my work in the Ministry of Education and Children's Affairs but all the work of the government, which has ambitious plans for changes in the public interest.

My colleagues, fellow members of the government, and within the parliamentary groups of the governing parties, along with me, would be pursued by all the media to demand answers and opinions on my personal issues. These issues that I claim without blushing that they have no impact on my work as a minister. But it was not my decision to make.

After conversations with my closest colleagues, my children, my father and sister and then the leaders of the government, it was my decision not to let these issues take all the attention away from the important issues being worked on in my ministry and within the government as a whole. It was not an easy decision but it was mine. The last phone call was then to my husband who was abroad to inform him of my decision.

Half an hour later, just before six o'clock yesterday, I appeared for an interview with a RÚV reporter where I laid all my cards on the table as honestly as I could according to my memory. At that same moment, a news report was broadcast in Spegillinn, which I did not hear and had not been informed about the content of that news report, as several things were said that did not match my memory of this chapter in my life 35-36 years ago.

Now that I have resigned from my position, which will take effect when the Prime Minister and President of Iceland have confirmed it, I hope that my colleagues in the ministry, the parliamentary party, and the other government parties will be spared from being asked to judge me and my private life. They do not deserve to be involved in my private affairs and will hopefully be given peace to carry out the important work they have undertaken in the Althing and in the government.

I will not be giving any further interviews regarding this matter at this time and hope that the media will see fit to publish this statement of mine, even if it is long. But in my mind, it is important that the facts of this matter from my perspective receive the same attention that news of this matter has already received in most of the country's media.

To my colleagues in the government and the parliamentary parties of the government, I send my best wishes and gratitude for the honor of having been given the opportunity to perform the important confidential work for the public that is the Minister of Education and Children's Affairs.